What An Opportunity

Who We Are

In Life on September 28, 2013 at 9:30 pm

Something incredibly enlightening happened to me tonight.

I spent some time in a group talking with two people that I hadn’t spoken to at serious length in quite a long time, and I came away from the conversation blown away by my own feelings. These two particular people are indelible reminders of my past – one of high school, the other of a past relationship – and I was flat-out rocked by the intensity of the emotions that talking with them conjured. No old flame was rekindled or new interest sparked; in fact, quite the opposite occurred. I was not enlivened, rather crushed. I felt very small. I felt unsure again.

You see, I got a late start on finding myself. I was homeschooled until the age of fifteen, an age when many have already become entrenched in their social niche and resigned themselves to it. I, on the other hand, was effectively a blank slate when I entered the world of high school. Even a tiny Christian high school, tame as a mouse in comparison with many scholastic monstrosities, was daunting to me. I had no sense of identity or place, so I tried to fit in everywhere.

May I endeavor to describe to you how miserably I failed? Senior superlatives came out in the yearbook a week before graduation, and while my classmates received humorous titles or creative labels, mine were “Biggest Tool” and “Most likely to kill a joke.” Seriously. Those are actually the two lines under my picture in the back of my senior yearbook. I’ll never forget the moment of reflection this led me to: “Well, those three years went well.”

Basically, those three years were all I had in my personal bank to define myself by. And that was how it ended… bankrupt. Time is an amazing teacher, though, and I have matured significantly since those days. I have found my identity and a well-founded confidence through my faith in Jesus and a great deal of personal growth, and I thought I was well past those high school feelings. But that leads us back to tonight. I was amazed at how I instantly time traveled during my conversation with these two girls. I literally felt like the person I was three, four, five years ago. I felt small and insignificant and flawed and guilty again. And that shocked me. But it proved a couple things to me. First, it showed me just how powerful our most significant feelings are. They never really die. So, be incredibly careful about how you make others feel. You may make them feel like I felt in high school; don’t ever do that to someone. And second, don’t ever let anyone make you feel small. You are significant, you are important, and you are incredibly valuable. Find your identity in that.

Stay strong,

Andrew

Advertisements
  1. beautiful and wonderful andrew and i’m glad you’ve grown in so many ways.

  2. It’s interesting how we view ourselves in contrast to how others view us. As a mostly outside observer of your “bankrupt” high school years, let me assure you that your time was neither fruitless or wasted. You were highly respected by your classmates and by your teachers. You were an integral part of a very special group of young people and you were a source of stability and reliability. Having said that, however, our perception is the reality in which we live. Often times those with the most to offer are also the most keenly aware of their own shortcomings, and thus the most unsure of their influence and significance. It was an honor to serve as your teacher; I am a better person because of the time we spent together during those years.

    • Thank you for your kind words, Mr. Fritz. I am certainly glad to know that I had some positive effect, especially on one who worked hard to teach and build relationship with me. My reference to bankruptcy had to do with the currency I was using at the time; the opinions of my peers. My opinion of my own self-worth was wholly based on their assessment, thus leading to my complete emptiness for a time.

      And I am sure glad I have grown too, Beth. So inexpressibly glad.

  3. Well written, Moser! It’s amazing how others’ perceptions of us and our own perceptions of us can be so different. It’s so incredible how God can use every situation, circumstance, and position for His purposes and to bring growth to us and those around us. And, as the biology/anatomy teacher, I feel it’s my responsibility to remind you that the brain has not fully developed until you’re into your 20’s. Don’t expect to much of yourself as a high schooler :). Great thoughts and thanks for sharing!

  4. Thank you for sharing this. It’s really amazing to me that we had such different approaches to high school, and yet we appear to have come out feeling the same way. See, I spent my high school years as what might be described as a ghost. I stayed under the radar, kept to the shadows, and studied those around me very closely. I’ve wondered what it would have been like if I had participated in some of the programs and yet as I read your post I can see how one can still feel like they were outside the cliques and looking in, (even when they are more involved). I’m an old man now, but I still look back and try to figure out what I could have done to make things different…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: